RE: YOUR SEASON (ALLEGEDLY A DYNASTY IN PROGRESS)
Delusion,
Worn Proudly.
The Bureau hereby certifies these garments to contain 100% cotton and 100% cope. Heavyweight blanks, one joke per shirt, readable from ten feet. For champions, losers, and everyone lying about rebuilding.
Departments of the Bureau
Bureau of Draft Day Operations
The Draft Day Drop — ten designs that dress the entire draft party, from the commissioner to the snack committee.
Enter the draft → DEPT. 200Toilet Bowl Athletics Dept.
The Loser's Lounge. Last-place certificates and ceremony wear, served with dignity. Ish.
Accept sentence → DEPT. 300League Operations Division
Your league's name, laws, feuds, and standings — engraved into locked templates. The highest-loyalty floor in the building.
File your league → DEPT. 400League Customs Department
Every design with a sanctioned league-specific slot — your league's name, your team's record, your feud, your commish. Submitted by you, engraved by us, moderated by the Bureau.
Begin filing →This Week's Case Files
![The "[Team Name]'s Emotional Support Human" Tee — League Customs, Form BBE-409](http://bigbenchenergy.com/cdn/shop/files/Untitled_Project_-_BBE-409_Main.png?v=1785511844&width=220)
The Bubblegum Blitz Drop
One limited collab collection per season, by strict Bureau statute. Contents classified until the vault opens. Allegedly pink.
★ Approval Guaranteed ★ Group Order Division ★
Permit to Outfit an Entire League
Commissioners may apply to outfit 8–14 managers in custom league gear: league name, est. year, and one personalized "record" per manager. Group pricing applies. Free draft-party printables issued upon approval. Approval is guaranteed. We're not a real bureau.
Public Records Request
Submit your email to receive official notices: drop announcements, punishment-season sentencing dates, and letters we had no business writing.
Response time: 3–5 business jokes